There is no known way to turn back time but graduate school is a means to stop it.
People claim that fasting can get you closer to God. I suppose that the less of you that exists the closer the resemblance.
I’m against the practice of abortion. I just think you should get it right the first time.
There comes a time in politics when one must face the facts, typically in the same way a soldier must face the enemy.
They say, “don’t shit where you eat.” But they also say, “don’t eat where you sleep.” However, that doesn’t rule out sleeping where you shit. Which was how I got caught napping in my boss’s car.
Whenever someone says “this works out best for everyone” you can bet it works out best for everyone but you.
My girlfriend gave me ankle weights for my birthday which is a sinister gift because I don’t jog, I swim.
Once I was trying to pick up a girl at a party when she told me she was a lesbian, “I fuck other women” she said. “I’ll believe it when I see it” I replied.