Spiders have eight legs and insects have six, that’s the difference. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve been turning a lot of spiders into insects lately.
These days we have to press a button or turn a knob in order to cook our food but in the future we won’t have to go to all the trouble. Instead, we will have slaves who push buttons and turn knobs for us. You may be asking, “won’t we just have robots in the future?” and we will have robots, who will whip our slaves.
The other day I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Equality for All.” That’s just equality.
When you enter into long term commitment they call it, “getting serious” because that’s when it ceases to be any fun whatsoever.
I think kids these days are watching too much TV. The other day I saw two kids playing. The little girl said to the boy, “Let’s play house.” He told her, “Alright. But I get to be House.”
If your first time is on your wedding night, with someone you truly love then there’s a good chance that your last time will be with someone you really hate and both will be with the same person.
Chiropractor’s claim to be real doctors but when someone yells out, “is there a doctor in the house?” they never mean a chiropractor.
Now even celebrities wear ironic clothing. I never thought I’d see the day where the mighty wake and dress themselves with sarcasm.
The clown car trick is accomplished through brute force Tight rope walkers make the best drunk drivers You can only become the fattest man in the world by eating your predecessor Every full moon the gypsies gather to steal hubcaps Elephants never forget to go the bathroom
I think the dirtiest thing for the Amish would be pre-marital phone sex.
There are worse things than canned food. Like canned laughter or fresh bodies.
A woman once accused me of “intimacy issues.” I replied, “what’re you kidding? I’m being intimate with plenty of women.”
The Romans called the sun ‘sol invictus’ or “the unconquered sun”. This was quite a compliment coming from the Romans who figured they could conquer just about anything. In fact, the Romans attempted several voyages to the sun, the first of which involved setting out at daybreak in a boat and trying to get to [...]
SAT’s are an excellent way to measure the quality of one’s private tutors.