Cowboys have big belt buckles so as to better beat their wives and children.
In the Star Trek universe, when one space faring race encounters another they always have at least one thing in common. Both their ships are oriented the same way vis a vis up/down. But space has no objective up/down axis. Nonetheless, every time the Enterprise runs into some Romulans it always looks like this:
First we pretended there was money in stocks. Then we pretended there was money in real estate. Now our economy is experiencing a jobless recovery. The idea seems to be that if our money is imagined, why bother to explain where it’s coming from?
He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”
Now and Laters were a candy originally introduced in 1862 under the brand name “Henceforths”.
“Do you think my life would make a good movie?” “Is your name Spiderman? No? Then probably not.”
Conan is scorching the earth as he leaves NBC. He just spent 1.5 million on a segment just to spite the network that has spurned him. Conan blowing 1.5 mil Here are some more ways Conan can waste NBC’s money: Buy the audience tickets on the space jet Have Andy Richter replaced with a shark [...]
Serial killers don’t understand the difference between getting a life and taking one.
If we were to encounter a culture free from racism we would use that as evidence of their inferiority.
A younger man CAM, dressed in overalls, is talking with GUS who is old. CAM What a day huh Gus? GUS You’ve got to get one more tent up before nightfall but I can’t help you with it. CAM Why? You tired or something? GUS No I can’t help you with that tent, because it’s [...]
My attorney has a heart precondition. You have to satisfy the condition of being his client in order for him to have a heart.
They say humans evolved from apes but there are some people who make you reconsider.
If you want to kidnap an old man don’t bother to tie him up, just make him sit down in a beanbag chair. He’ll never escape.
If I could go back in time and change one thing I’d stop Jesus from being nailed to the cross, because then they’d pretty much have to let me into heaven.
(to be used in case I am ever elected to anything) A lot of people have criticized my tactics and many of you have called me names. Well who’s calling names now you stinking animals? You are no more than yammering baboons, your grotesque jabbering is matched only by your swollen backsides, scraping the ground [...]