Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Our penal system is based on the concept of reform. We take people and then reform them into something horrible.
There’s nothing like a good week in Kansas except maybe a bad one.
Nobody cares when a snowman melts. But when fireman does the same thing…
Environmentalists are in a battle with human nature.
Dave Wiswell and I recently made a podcast. This first episode features Julian Vance and Greg Edwards, two of my favorite comedians living here in the bay area. You can subscribe on i-tunes: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=363484483 or grab it at the source here: http://bestofboredom.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=595748
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
“Men and women sure are different, huh guys? Different but equal. That is why they need separate bathrooms.”
Love can cause you to overlook anything about a person. Sometimes everything.
American liberalism is forward thinking on a treadmill.
As a waiter I do not grow food, I do not cook food, I only suggest food and then bring whatever a customer picks. I am, essentially, a food consultant.
I saw this picture the other day while I was in the mall. Let’s take it for granted that Victoria’s Secret knows exactly what they’re doing. One can safely assume there’s a team of graphic designers picking over each image making sure that things like big subliminal dicks don’t make it in there on accident. [...]
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
“I hate myself and I’m all alone” “No, you’re not alone. I hate you too.”
I have faith in the democratic process for lack of good evidence that it exists.
I saw a jug of 2% milk. I’d actually prefer the whole thing be milk.
I never take the easy way out, which is how I got horribly burned in that fire.
There’s more than one way to skin a sleeping dog All good things come to those who watch kettles Getting caught red handed with a bird in the hand is better than having your hands caught in a bush with angry birds Shit in one hand and hopefully someone will put a fish in the [...]
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Computer goes down. Man gets up.
A guy walked up, looked at my espresso and asked, “is that Peet’s Coffee?” “Not anymore” I told him, “Now it’s mine.”
Homeless people are like the raccoons of metropolitan areas. Always coming out at night to route through your garbage can with their furry little faces and opposable thumbs.
This is a short sketch that I wrote to illustrate the absurdity of the near-death mindset, and the often dark comedy that has taken hold in recent decades. If you like, print it out, get some special effects and iMovie and go shoot the thing – I’d love to see how it plays out in [...]
It is possible to walk into a grocery store and buy a box of cliff bars. Who’s going on that many hikes?