Upswing in economy disappoints man with guns New chat roulette restrictions spark outrage among disembodied cocks Oil spill pun crude
Capitalists can’t be optimists because you can’t look at a bank account and say, “it’s half full.”
It’s all about the aging journey not the aging destination. Because the destination is being dead. And there’s nothing fun about that.
Some people think the pyramids were built by aliens, which apparently strikes them as more plausible than Jews performing manual labor.
Episode 2 of my podcast, co-hosted with Dave Wiswell. Thanks to Joe Gorman and Dave Thomason for guesting.
The meek shall inherit the earth but the government still keeps most of that.
April twentieth is a day when people watch their plans go up in smoke and are happier for it.
Here are some wisecracks to use in the futuristic hell scape. How many pollocks does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. There are no more light bulbs or Poland. What do you get when you cross a hooker and a poodle? A horrible mutant. What did the sailor say when he saw [...]
Recently I’ve wondered whether I have anorexia. “That would be horrible,” I said to myself. But then I thought, “Well better that than being fat.”
A boy who plays with dolls is looked at with suspicion. A girl who plays with mud is not looked at.
The homosexual agenda is not nearly so well worked out as the anti-homosexual agenda.
I’ve got a few bad habits but who doesn’t? Sometimes I bite my nails, big deal right? Sometimes I bite other people’s nails, why should they care? They weren’t using them. So like I said, maybe I have a bad habit of cutting people off in traffic, it’s just that every time I see someone’s [...]
I dislike Pinata’s because they encourage violence and gluttony in children. So every time I see kids playing with a Pinata I tell them a story. “That Pinata ate too much candy, and now it has to be punished.” And then afterward, I make them bury its corpse.