I’ve got a few bad habits but who doesn’t? Sometimes I bite my nails, big deal right? Sometimes I bite other people’s nails, why should they care? They weren’t using them. So like I said, maybe I have a bad habit of cutting people off in traffic, it’s just that every time I see someone’s about to take a spot I start to panic. “What if that’s the last one!?” I think. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense but it’s real compelling in the moment. So I cut them off real fast, then I fling my coffee out the side and land it on their window. I just figure hey, fuck ’em.
Also I read a pamphlet once that said I’m an alcoholic and even after I beat the shit out of the pamphlet and tore it into little pieces it still haunted me. I tend to be a real angry drunk, but the other thing is that I always drink alone. So then I just end up screaming, “what the fuck you looking at?” into a mirror. Then I say, “I know what you’re looking at! A fat fucking loser.” Then I cry and hug the mirror and put lipstick on my reflection so that I can feel pretty.
And maybe I don’t always use a clean needle when I’m shooting up. You know how much work it is to get a fresh needle out the box? Plus when you’re all strung out you don’t even want to move, let alone find a fresh syringe. Though one good thing is whenever I get high enough on heroin I stop biting my nails.