When we say someone is out of her mind the problem is actually that she’s spending too much time inside it.
This girl told me, “Every guy I’ve slept with has been one in a million.” But that would make it 150 guys if you confine it to the US alone.
Art Linkletter dead at 97, forgotten at 80 Liver damaging diet drug re-marketed as liver reducer Dog fed homework
Every man thinks that playing the stock market is like shooting fish in a barrel. What each man fails to realize is that he’s the fish.
The Container Store is a real honest name for a business. It’s a store, they have containers and it is itself also a giant container.
“You ever get the feeling someone’s watching you? Well it’s me.” -Mark Zuckerberg
Sometimes I like to text people “hi jk” because sure it’s a weird message, but it’s also in perfect alphabetical order.
Water is clear up close but looks blue from far away. Scientists are still puzzled by why we cannot see the entire contents of the ocean just by standing on the beach. Oil and chemical companies also use the ocean to store toxic waste. No one cares because fish do not vote. Water can destroy [...]
People will now pay thirty grand to hear what Bristol Palin has to say. Apparently the value of nothing has skyrocketed.
Prisons are horrible. In my opinion they should all be torn down and you should probably take the inmates out first.
I’ve been using craigslist ride share but I’ve noticed it works a lot better if I cross list in casual encounters.
My body seems to be growing old without me.
There was no thursday special this week. Enjoy the guy with the fez.
If I were a transvestite I’d convert to fundamentalist Islam because a burqa is a great outfit for a female impersonator.
I’m not laughing at you I’m laughing against you.
Art isn’t just paintings on a wall, there’s at least one case where it has appeared on a ceiling.
I have to thank my mother for helping all my dreams come true, except the sex dreams. That would just be creepy.
I made some mother’s day cards so you guys don’t have to give your money to the evil card tycoons
We’re always told to face our fears. But what if your greatest fear is whatever is behind you?
Motorcycles put a lot of people in wheel chairs. People who, luckily, have a confirmed affinity for open-air, two-wheeled vehicles.