Currently, my housemate and fellow comedian Josh Orr is serving as a camp counselor at a Quaker camp in the Appalachian wilderness. He wrote me a very sweet letter which I have reproduced below as well as the reply I sent him shortly after receiving it. Enjoy. Dear ______* Family, I have the flavor of [...]
Elite universities like diversity, just not diversity in GPA’s or standardized test scores.
The other day I saw a sign that read, “Hate Free Zone,” and I thought, “well not anymore.”
Adolescent returning from summer camp enjoys long awaited ejaculation Softwood floor concept met with lackluster response Villagers becoming restless
Whenever I attempt to take on a new attitude and personality my old personality calls me a pathetic little bitch.
There’s a fine line between house sitting and breaking into someone’s home while they’re on vacation and eating all their food.
Mike made artisanal chapstick on his secluded bee ranch up in the Sierra Mountains. He claimed that bees at higher elevations produced a subtler, breezier wax.
The other day I turned a fly into a “crawl”‘ and then I turned it into a “doesn’t go anywhere at all because it’s legs and wings have all been ripped off.”
I saw a magazine titled “Life & Style”. That’s like a magazine called “House & Boat.”
They call it “risk management” because that’s a less obvious contradiction than “random chance control.”
1) “The Taming of the Shrew” was originally titled “The Murdering of the Shrew.”
2) The Giant Panda is named ironically as it stands at only two and a half feet.
3) No one ever escapes Fantasy Island.
When aliens perform an archeological survey of the internet they will spend most of that time sifting through porn.