Me: Hello pants
Pants: Hello Miles
Me: Hello Socks
Socks: Hello. Are you ready to fuck us with your foot?
Me: Boy that’s creepy.
Shoes: You don’t have to hear them moan.
Leather Jacket: Moooo.

Mirror: Well hello handsome.
Me: You probably say that to everyone.
Mirror: Well hello handsome.

Me: Hello fireplace.
Fireplace: feeeeeeeed meeeeeeeee.
Me: Okay
Wood: Uh oh.

Me: Well, well toaster. We meet again
Toaster: Indeed Miles, how fitting that-
Me: Shut the fuck up (shoves toast inside toaster)

Me: I love you chair.
Chair: I love you too Miles.
Me: Nevermind.

Me: Keys where are you?
Door Key: Here I am-
Car Key: Shhhhhhhh.

Me: Hello Statue.
Statue: Help I’m a real person someone covered in concrete.
Me: Really?
Statue: Get a hammer and find out.

Me: Hello Cellphone.
Dave: What?

4 thoughts on “conversations with inanimate objects

    1. Oh my god you’re right! You’re so right! Jesus Christ you’re the opposite of wrong. What’s it feel like to have noticed something and be so correct? I’ll bet it just feels right.

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