“Everyone dies,” my uncle Ted once told me. So I killed him. If he had said “everyone lives,” I might not have. That’s the thing, everyone does live, or at least, everyone lives for awhile until they give it up to get a job. I myself have lived it up, lived in Napa and lived in exile. I can recommend the first and third though not the second.

We may know what it takes to get a life but what does it take to make a living? The common wisdom is that you can get a life very easily. Simply collect a hundred gold coins or hit the right question mark box thereby releasing a green spotted mushroom. However, I don’t think anyone can say what it takes to make a living, especially not my parents.

My parents think that they know everything about making a living. But if they know so much how come they’re hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt from my student loans? On multiple occasions, when quoting a commercial he once saw, my father has told me that his house, “is not a Holiday Inn.” Which is too bad because if it were he might not have to take out a second mortgage.

My mother is no better. She constantly forwards me e-mails about exciting careers in the tech industry. Each time I write her back and explain that I’m against technology and furthermore that technology should be creating less work for us, not more. She then gets frustrated and tells me I should at least apply to work at the sandwich shop down the way at which point I tell her that I’m also against sandwiches.

The real problem is that if you get a job you have no time to live your life but if you don’t have a job you have no money with which to buy the things that make life worth living. Things like gas, alcohol and subscriptions to online fantasy role-playing games. It’s a contradiction and I’ve stopped trying to question it. Now the only question I have is “do you know where I can hide a dead body?”

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