co-written with Jesse Elias, originally published at ebaums world

Paul Ryan (or Ryan Paul, as he is known to gym teachers) is Mitt Romney’s vice presidential pick. But who is he really? Using the latest internet technology we have begun to uncover some interesting facts you may not know about the guy:

 1. Paul Ryan is no slouch when it comes to physical fitness. He could easily pass the President’s Fitness Challenge which means he is at least fit to be vice-president.


2. Due to his massive muscles, many people interested in politics have been looking for pictures of Paul Ryan naked from the eyebrows down.

(You’ll notice the #4 search term is Budget. This probably has something to do with how much it would cost to hire him for a bachelorette party)

3. He does not approve of Jake Gyllenhall’s sex scene with Heath Ledger in “Brokeback Mountain,” which is surprising considering that he is 95% Jake Gyllenhall.


4. Paul Ryan’s arch nemesis is whatshisface from the New York Times. You know, that guy with the beard. Anyway, they fucking hate each other.

This guy.

5. Those CGI animators at Castle Rock Entertainment have done an outstanding job capturing Paul Ryan’s likeness for his cameo in “The Polar Express: Part II”…



6. According to Google image search, Paul Ryan rides a deer into battle.

(Paul Ryan and his friend, Mr. Fisc, pose for a photo together)

7. He is sorry for chewing up your shoes.


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