Someone asked if I would fuck a life sized tater tot. Does that just mean a regular sized tater tot?
I appeared on the Too Soon show with Natasha Muse and played a character named Max Schpitzer. Thanks to Kelly McCarron for playing the wife. I come in at 31:00 An Interview With Mucus Man
Tonight I’m going to put twenty dollars under my pillow in hopes that the tooth fairy will leave me some teeth.
I’m tall for a man, even taller for a woman and especially tall for a dog walking upright.
Me: Hello pants Pants: Hello Miles Me: Hello Socks Socks: Hello. Are you ready to fuck us with your foot? Me: Boy that’s creepy. Shoes: You don’t have to hear them moan. Leather Jacket: Moooo. Mirror: Well hello handsome. Me: You probably say that to everyone. Mirror: Well hello handsome. Me: Hello fireplace. Fireplace: feeeeeeeed [...]
The next time someone says, “we need to think outside the box,” ask them, “why? what’s outside the box?”
They say that whites will become a minority by 2050. If we’re going to become a minority I just hope we turn into Chinese people. They really have their shit together.
Bear 1: Have you seen the latest line of bear traps? Bear 2: Ughh. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.
I’m about to take a trip and one of the places I will visit is Texas. So I researched these facts in preparation: Texas is known as the “Buckle of the Bible Belt.” It is the US state closest to the Sun. Texas is the largest contiguous state meaning even the state itself has an [...]
Friendship is a strange thing. As I see it, life’s a competition to obtain the most prizes which means that anyone else should be thwarted at every available opportunity.