Bear 1: Have you seen the latest line of bear traps? Bear 2: Ughh. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.
I’m really glad toothpicks don’t serve the same function as ice picks.
I’m about to take a trip and one of the places I will visit is Texas. So I researched these facts in preparation: Texas is known as the “Buckle of the Bible Belt.” It is the US state closest to the Sun. Texas is the largest contiguous state meaning even the state itself has an […]
You can find yourself lost but you can’t lose yourself found.
I’m so skinny my skeleton weighs more than I do.
Friendship is a strange thing. As I see it, life’s a competition to obtain the most prizes which means that anyone else should be thwarted at every available opportunity.
We’re always told to face our fears. But what if your greatest fear is whatever is behind you?
I’ve invented an anti-gravity bong. It sucks the life out of you.
Fingers are the hands of your hands which are the fingers of your arms.
Yesterday I drove my car into my garage, which is a pretty convenient place to crash a car.
There’s more than one way to skin a sleeping dog All good things come to those who watch kettles Getting caught red handed with a bird in the hand is better than having your hands caught in a bush with angry birds Shit in one hand and hopefully someone will put a fish in the […]
This is a short sketch that I wrote to illustrate the absurdity of the near-death mindset, and the often dark comedy that has taken hold in recent decades. If you like, print it out, get some special effects and iMovie and go shoot the thing – I’d love to see how it plays out in […]
Presidents’ day was inaugurated in 1880 as a whole extra day for, and experienced exclusively by, the President. During this day he could spend his time as he wished in leisure or just catching up on errands without having to worry about the forward arrow of time generating events that would effect the rest of […]
If I could go back in time and change one thing I’d stop Jesus from being nailed to the cross, because then they’d pretty much have to let me into heaven.
If you think driving on the freeway is exciting try driving across it.
This is a sketch I’m currently working on to be performed at a time and location as of yet undetermined. So both of you are test subjects for our new truth serum? A: Yes B: No You’re not both here for the serum experiment? A: No B: Yes Are you here for the experiment? A: […]
Starbucks has figured out a thousand ways to sell us a single thing.
These days we have to press a button or turn a knob in order to cook our food but in the future we won’t have to go to all the trouble. Instead, we will have slaves who push buttons and turn knobs for us. You may be asking, “won’t we just have robots in the future?” and we will have robots, who will whip our slaves.
The Romans called the sun ‘sol invictus’ or “the unconquered sun”. This was quite a compliment coming from the Romans who figured they could conquer just about anything. In fact, the Romans attempted several voyages to the sun, the first of which involved setting out at daybreak in a boat and trying to get to […]