North of the border they call us, “Canada Mexico.”
My mother told me I was lucky to be born in a first world country, Conservative parents tell their kids that they deserved it.
An eating contest typically consists in offering people unlimited hot dogs and seeing how many they can eat but, given the current state of American obesity, it might be more interesting to see how few.
If you want proof that other countries hate America look no further than the fact that they don’t celebrate the 4th of July.
I’m about to visit Seattle, which few people know, is built on an ancient Indian everything ground.
-Conclusion Of Angry Birds Leaves Man Feeling Nothing
-New Restaurant Concept Humiliates Staff In Fun, Exciting Way
-Toothless Old Man Goes To Town On Birthday Cake
Ambitions are the flimsy refuge of a man’s shrieking insecurities.
I saw a car that had contradictory bumper stickers. The first one read, “Obama’s not my President” and the second one was a miniature American flag.
The electric chair is a quintessentially American means of execution. It’s death by appliance.
-New scanners can and will measure your cock for coming robot war
-Wal-mart greeter wishes death upon shoppers, “a happy thanksgiving”
-“Lebanese Armenians riot in Beirut Over Erdogan visit” claims inscrutable headline
If people keep getting fatter we’re going to end up with one way sidewalks.
Reality is a subset of modern living. It’s something one has the option of entering when bored with fantasy.
Prisons are horrible. In my opinion they should all be torn down and you should probably take the inmates out first.
The homosexual agenda is not nearly so well worked out as the anti-homosexual agenda.
There’s nothing like a good week in Kansas except maybe a bad one.
American liberalism is forward thinking on a treadmill.
I have faith in the democratic process for lack of good evidence that it exists.
Homeless people are like the raccoons of metropolitan areas. Always coming out at night to route through your garbage can with their furry little faces and opposable thumbs.
It’s tough not to live in fear when there’s a massive conspiracy pumping it into the air around us.
If America were to build anything on the moon it would probably be a prison.