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Tag Archives: animals

People say I’m not an animal lover but I once saved a cat from starvation by feeding it the fish… and then the cat food.

For PETA to completely end cruelty towards animals they’d have to modify animal behavior.

We need to scour the earth of humanity so that animals can get back to murdering each other in peace.

A mosquito lands on my arm so I say, “can I offer you a drink?”

If my house posted an honest ad for a new housemate on craigslist

Hi there. Thanks for your interest in our cooperative household. We are looking for a new member of our semi-functional experiment in alternative living since our former housemate, Jessica, has decided to pursue new opportunities “anywhere but here.” Due to diffused responsibility and general apathy no one has done a chore in over a month. […]

Bear 1: Have you seen the latest line of bear traps? Bear 2: Ughh. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.

If animals started talking we’d have to kill them even faster.