Clever Things to Say » animals http://cleverthingstosay.com by Miles K Mon, 21 May 2012 22:08:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2012/02/13/2348/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=2348 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2012/02/13/2348/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 16:49:09 +0000 admin http://cleverthingstosay.com/?p=2348 People say I’m not an animal lover but I once saved a cat from starvation by feeding it the fish… and some mice… and the bird… and then eventually some cat food.

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2012/02/13/2348/feed/ 0 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/28/1813/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1813 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/28/1813/#comments Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:24:47 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1813 For PETA to completely end cruelty towards animals they’d have to modify animal behavior.

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/28/1813/feed/ 1 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/03/1754/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1754 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/03/1754/#comments Mon, 03 Jan 2011 19:38:33 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1754 We need to scour the earth of humanity so that animals can get back to murdering each other in peace.

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2011/01/03/1754/feed/ 0 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/11/01/1608/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1608 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/11/01/1608/#comments Mon, 01 Nov 2010 19:16:27 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1608 A mosquito lands on my arm so I say, “can I offer you a drink?”

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/11/01/1608/feed/ 0 If my house posted an honest ad for a new housemate on craigslist http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/10/21/if-my-house-posted-an-honest-ad-for-a-new-housemate-on-craigslist/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=if-my-house-posted-an-honest-ad-for-a-new-housemate-on-craigslist http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/10/21/if-my-house-posted-an-honest-ad-for-a-new-housemate-on-craigslist/#comments Thu, 21 Oct 2010 22:01:40 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1583 Hi there. Thanks for your interest in our cooperative household. We are looking for a new member of our semi-functional experiment in alternative living since our former housemate, Jessica, has decided to pursue new opportunities “anywhere but here.”

Due to diffused responsibility and general apathy no one has done a chore in over a month. The kitchen floor is caked in filth to the point that one of our housemates poured water onto it and then used it to make a “mud mural.” Why he didn’t simply clean the floor after wetting it remains a mystery but we have all enjoyed his whimsical act of self-expression. Also, are you the young Arthur to our Excalibur of a lettuce drawer? Can you pull the sword from the stone? We haven’t been able to get inside the drawer for months and there is surely rotting vegetable matter inside, all of which becomes yours upon prying it open.

We have a shared food system in that whenever someone buys something it is immediately set upon by those who never buy anything. You will rejoice in the convenience or you will learn helpful tricks to hide your food from others. Either way it is a win-win which, coincidentally, is the name of the opossum living in our basement. You will learn to love Win win and the way she snarls as you return home at night. This might lead you to think our house is pet friendly but you should know Win win has killed at least three neighborhood cats.

Our home is great for struggling artists, non-profit workers, poseurs, heavy handed political activists, aspiring cult leaders, former cult members, recent college grads who don’t want to discontinue a life of impoverished irresponsibility, and people who don’t like to bathe.

We look forward to seeing your application for housing and/or pictures of your genitalia.

Sincerely,

The Woolsey House

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/10/21/if-my-house-posted-an-honest-ad-for-a-new-housemate-on-craigslist/feed/ 1 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/09/21/1499/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1499 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/09/21/1499/#comments Tue, 21 Sep 2010 17:55:33 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1499 Bear 1: Have you seen the latest line of bear traps?

Bear 2: Ughh. I wouldn’t be caught dead in one.

]]> http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/09/21/1499/feed/ 0 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/07/30/1394/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1394 http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/07/30/1394/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:45:58 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1394 If animals started talking we’d have to kill them even faster.

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