Clever Things to Say » culture

Things

admin — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 17:58:10 +0000

2How are things?

1Things are good.

2Yes?

1Yes. There are many things and all of them are all good.

2That is great.

1Yes you are right and it is true. How are things for you?

2Very new. There is a thing I did not have before but now I do and it is good.

1Is it a talking thing?

2Yes. It talks all the time and it fucks as well.

1Is it fucking you?

2Very much. It fucks and talks and sometimes it does both at once.

1I understand. That is exciting.

2I agree that you understand.

1I had a talking fucking thing and then I did not and it was bad.

2That is bad. You had the thing and then you did not.

1Right! I hate it when I don’t have something that I did. It makes no sense. If I have a thing how can it go away? It is mine!

2It is confusing when you bring fuck into a thing, is my opinion

1&2[Laughter]

1Your opinion is very good. You have many of them and they are all very smart.

2They are like facts except it is impossible to check them.

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:24:48 +0000

If you ever get arrested in the middle-east don’t yell out, “unhand me!”

admin — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 17:53:23 +0000

No one admits to being a hipster for the same reason no refers to himself as a douche bag.

admin — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:47:13 +0000

We spend childhood trying to figure out how to live and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out our childhood.

admin — Mon, 03 May 2010 15:45:04 +0000

Some people blame all their problems on society and other people blame all their problems on those people and that’s the difference between a democrat and a republican.

admin — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 15:45:14 +0000

All people are created equal and it is the function of society to rectify that condition.

admin — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:39:08 +0000

As a waiter I do not grow food, I do not cook food, I only suggest food and then bring whatever a customer picks. I am, essentially, a food consultant.

admin — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:47:55 +0000

If we were to encounter a culture free from racism we would use that as evidence of their inferiority.

admin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:17:46 +0000

Drugs are great until they fall into the wrong hands. I am referring, of course, to the police.

Nevermind: a micro sketch

admin — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:02:50 +0000

A room with the living room furniture of the working class. Andy is thin and well dressed, his stocky father, Leo, sits, both hairy arms crossed over his chest, next to Andy’s worried looking mother, Helen.

Andy: Mom, Dad, there’s something I’ve needed to tell you for a long time- jeez this is hard- and you may not like it but it’s something you’ve got to know… I’m gay, I’ve always been gay and now I want to-

Leo: What!? You fuckin faggot-

Helen: Leo!

Leo: NO. How dare you shame this family you goddamn degenerate you’re a disgrace, in fact, you’re out of this family-

Andy: Alright, nevermind I take it back!

Leo: Good, glad that’s settled then.