If carbon monoxide is the silent killer how come I always have to hear about that dead family two houses over?
I practice clock warfare which is killing your enemies via the passage of time. It’s a slow, torturous death.
I don’t want to just live life in the fast lane, I want to die there too. And hopefully take some other people in the fast lane with me.
Nate is a young man whose life is tragically cut short. Now he’s in heaven hanging out with all his internal organs as they go on a series of crazy, afterlife adventures. Hang on, because this season is gonna be a heartfelt attack on the funny bone.
Valentine’s Day is a corporate ploy to sell more handguns to single people.
People say I’m not an animal lover but I once saved a cat from starvation by feeding it the fish… and then the cat food.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it’s being fed to you by another hand.
I sort of enjoy watching capitalism collapse, sort of like a rat on a sinking ship who hates the ship.
They’re shutting down schools and building more prisons but at least they recognize you can’t do one without the other.
“Take life one day at a time,” sounds like the affirmation of a serial killer.
As far as those condoms made from sheep intestine, I’m alright with bestiality but NOT necrophilia, or was it the other way around?
Children tend to get kidnapped for ransom over spouses because criminals don’t want to gamble on the strength of marriages.
When I die I want to be shot out of a cannon… and into a children’s birthday party.
Fifty years from now schoolchildren will be made bored by the story of how protesters were chain gunned down on Wall Street.
I have a homeopathic remedy for depression. You put a gun in your mouth and then you pull the trigger.