I don’t want to just live life in the fast lane, I want to die there too. And hopefully take some other people in the fast lane with me.
Nate is a young man whose life is tragically cut short. Now he’s in heaven hanging out with all his internal organs as they go on a series of crazy, afterlife adventures. Hang on, because this season is gonna be a heartfelt attack on the funny bone.
Valentine’s Day is a corporate ploy to sell more handguns to single people.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless it’s being fed to you by another hand.
I sort of enjoy watching capitalism collapse, sort of like a rat on a sinking ship who hates the ship.
They’re shutting down schools and building more prisons but at least they recognize you can’t do one without the other.
“Take life one day at a time,” sounds like the affirmation of a serial killer.
As far as those condoms made from sheep intestine, I’m alright with bestiality but NOT necrophilia, or was it the other way around?
Body bags are like dead people condoms.
Children tend to get kidnapped for ransom over spouses because criminals don’t want to gamble on the strength of marriages.
When I die I want to be shot out of a cannon… and into a children’s birthday party.
Fifty years from now schoolchildren will be made bored by the story of how protesters were chain gunned down on Wall Street.
I have a homeopathic remedy for depression. You put a gun in your mouth and then you pull the trigger.
I figured out how to flip over a car with your bare hands. Get the car going really fast, put your hands on the wheel and snap it to the left.
Pretty soon nature shows are going to be on the history channel.
I couldn’t be a cop because you have to beat people up and I’m not physically cut out for that. I’d just have to shoot everyone instead.
The other day I went fishing and I threw back everything I caught, sure it was spear fishing…
Some people pretend to remember a time when men were cavemen, women were rape victims and it was better or something.
Don’t you hate it when you come into work and someone else already shot up the place?
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