At the end of your internship with MTV you are led in to a room where another intern is bound to a chair. You are told, “Congratulations. You are at the last stage of your internship. You have outmaneuvered your enemies and pleased your masters. Now your final task is to strangle Ben, your friend and closest […]
Why don’t we have doublewide coffins for dead married people?
Spoiler alert: everyone dies in the end.
I know where I want to be buried when I die. Under newspapers in my apartment.
My bicycle helmet has a lifetime guarantee which isn’t saying much.
I don’t want to just live life in the fast lane, I want to die there too. And hopefully take some other people in the fast lane with me.
There wouldn’t be so much traffic if people just drove motorcycles, specifically, into stuff.
Christians look forward to life after death and I certainly think they’re right not to get their hopes up about this life.
Body bags are like dead people condoms.
Things to do before I die Make a list of things to do Do things on list Gloat Repeat
Chicken is the only game where a tie is the most entertaining outcome.
The world’s oldest man died last Thursday. Police are now investigating the world’s second oldest man.
“Lassie in trouble,” barked Lassie on her death bed.
If I could breath underwater the first thing I’d do is fake my own death. Right after murdering this one guy.
People think the guillotine was invented to cut off people’s heads but actually it was meant to cut off people’s bodies.
Mafia round up removes vital predators from gambling addict ecosystem Obama has trouble locating Hu Jintao for facebook photo tagging Inexplicable mass animal deaths more disturbing than explicable mass animal deaths
The electric chair is a quintessentially American means of execution. It’s death by appliance.
-New scanners can and will measure your cock for coming robot war
-Wal-mart greeter wishes death upon shoppers, “a happy thanksgiving”
-“Lebanese Armenians riot in Beirut Over Erdogan visit” claims inscrutable headline
There’s a big difference between saying someone died in your arms versus they died in your hands.