“I feel so alive!” and other famous last words.
It’s all about the aging journey not the aging destination. Because the destination is being dead. And there’s nothing fun about that.
Some people treat life like’s it a race. The faster they get to the finish line the better.
Nobody cares when a snowman melts. But when fireman does the same thing…
Most people hope their dreams come true. I don’t know if I could live with that much blood on my hands.
A failed marriage ends in a divorce. A successful marriage ends in the death of one or both parties.
Ungrateful Little Bastards Report College is “Alright” Bee and Allergic Man Killed in Murder Suicide Pact Upwardly Mobile Dog Seeks Less Homeless Owner Wrecking Ball Operator Wins Big in Slamming of Abandoned Pog Factory Some were originally printed in the Heuristic Squelch
I’m not afraid of dying in the apocalypse I’m afraid of surviving it.
My girlfriend gave me ankle weights for my birthday which is a sinister gift because I don’t jog, I swim.
Dead men tell no tales, but old men really pick up the slack in that department.
Smoking is saying to your lungs, “I wish you came in black.”
Some people are not appreciated until they’re gone. Or perhaps because of it.