In every city I’ve ever been to there’s a district for partying that looks like the apocalypse just happened and everyone’s sitting around going, “So where are you going?”
The morning after a good birthday party I always feel a year older whether it was my birthday or not.
No one ever wakes up and says, “I think I under drank last night.”
The best of times often precedes the worst of times all of which is facilitated by Early Times.
The best hangover cure is a time machine.
I drink like a fish out of water.
Jim Beam goes well with ice because Jim Beam is improved by anything that’s not Jim Beam.
A lot of people like lemon flavored Bacardi but I like Bacardi flavored vomit.
Two coconuts walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Hey we don’t serve your kind here, unless you’ve been cut in half and filled with fruit juice and rum.”
What kind of wine goes well with breakfast?
In attempting to prolong my youth I am rapidly aging myself.
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. -Karen
My body seems to be growing old without me.
I’ve got a few bad habits but who doesn’t? Sometimes I bite my nails, big deal right? Sometimes I bite other people’s nails, why should they care? They weren’t using them. So like I said, maybe I have a bad habit of cutting people off in traffic, it’s just that every time I see someone’s […]
Now that I’ve stopped drinking I don’t have much to look forward to but I have a lot more to look back on.
It’s always exciting when the Netflix arrive. I open up the envelope, take them out and say, “Awesome, movies I wanted to watch when I was drunk and lonely three days ago.”
I may hate the person I become when drinking but in all fairness I don’t think he cares for me either.
Watching the average guy try and pick up on a woman in a bar is like watching someone try and nail jell-o to a ceramic plate.
I’ve turned solitaire into a drinking game.