Clever Things to Say » economy

admin — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 23:05:02 +0000

Goldman Sachs: Extremely well organized crime.

admin — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:45:48 +0000

Every man thinks that playing the stock market is like shooting fish in a barrel. What each man fails to realize is that he’s the fish.

admin — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:55:22 +0000

First we pretended there was money in stocks. Then we pretended there was money in real estate. Now our economy is experiencing a jobless recovery. The idea seems to be that if our money is imagined, why bother to explain where it’s coming from?

Job Interview Tips for the Post Apocalypse

admin — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:22:02 +0000

Making a Resume
1. Impress them from the first glance: print it on human skin.
2. Use action language instead of saying, “I carried water” say “I expedited vital resource acquisition” or instead of saying, “smuggled ammo” say “re-purposed rectal cavity”.
3. Don’t use complete sentences. It will set you apart and you will be burned as a witch.
4. Don’t be afraid to name drop, particularly if said names were wiped out in the collapse. Who’s to say you didn’t found google?

How to Dress
Every office has its own subtle dress code. The important thing at the interview is to look like you already belong. What is everyone else wearing? Is it intimidating leather armor with studs and small bones, or is it a more traditional atmosphere with tattered remnants of the world before, or maybe they’re sporting voluminous robes with which to hide their hideous deformities.

Is This a Job Interview or a Trap?
Is this a serious interview or is it just meant to lure you into an enclosed space.

Fringe Benefits
Does this company have a medical plan? Are there hidden conditions such mandatory organ donation?

Are They Cannibals?
If so you might want to tell them you’re a mutant. Many cannibals are afraid to eat mutants.

Things to Bring
Resume
Cover Letter
Gun
Briefcase
Another Gun

admin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:40:23 +0000

When you study philosophy in college people always ask “what kind of a job will you get with that?” But in this economy I have a ready reply which is, “Same thing as you. Nothing.”

admin — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:51:07 +0000

Economic depression crushes the hopes of shallow materialists.

admin — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:00:00 +0000

You can always tell the brightest students by the end of business school. The last thing they learn is how to fleece a mark and they derive that knowledge from their most recent experience.

admin — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:00:22 +0000

One man’s financial crisis is another man’s “I told you so.”