Clever Things to Say

Many activists, moms and other jerks on the internet say that GM foods are a threat to other food species.

People keep asking me, “Hey Miles, what’s your plan for New Year’s?” and I tell them, “I’m taking ecstasy,” which is a lie.

Mike made artisanal chapstick on his secluded bee ranch up in the Sierra Mountains. He claimed that bees at higher elevations produced a subtler, breezier wax.

“First things first,” I always say. I say it all the time and no one ever disagrees. This is because I’m the boss around here and if people disagree with me I fire their asses. One time, I had a sandwich that didn’t agree with me so I fired that too. Some people beg me [...]