I shouldn’t have tried to make an ice cream sandwich using real bread.
Many activists, moms and other jerks on the internet say that GM foods are a threat to other food species.
There is a place in hell where “elite” yelp reviewers wait tables for living “elite” yelp reviewers here on earth.
Chocolate milk combines two of my favorite things: chocolate and stomach problems.
Since becoming an adult it sometimes seems as though life has lost all its flavor crystals.
Raisin Bran could be improved by adding two scoops of Fruit Loops.
I’m opening a restaurant for people with eating disorders. The only difference is that the toilets have handle bars.
Succulent carrion spotted by beady eyes of Meg Whitman Local pumpkin patch encourages wasting of food Habitable planet discovered, space race ensues to see who will destroy planet first
What kind of wine goes well with breakfast?
“Waiter there’s a fly in my soup. I think it’s because it tastes like shit.”
There’s a fine line between house sitting and breaking into someone’s home while they’re on vacation and eating all their food.
When are we going to admit as a nation that we need a dinner cereal?
I dislike Pinata’s because they encourage violence and gluttony in children. So every time I see kids playing with a Pinata I tell them a story. “That Pinata ate too much candy, and now it has to be punished.” And then afterward, I make them bury its corpse.
As a waiter I do not grow food, I do not cook food, I only suggest food and then bring whatever a customer picks. I am, essentially, a food consultant.
“First things first,” I always say. I say it all the time and no one ever disagrees. This is because I’m the boss around here and if people disagree with me I fire their asses. One time, I had a sandwich that didn’t agree with me so I fired that too. Some people beg me […]
There are worse things than canned food. Like canned laughter or fresh bodies.
Reasons are the food of action, digested, burned and then rendered unrecognizeable after it is all said and done.