Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Since becoming an adult it sometimes seems as though life has lost all its flavor crystals.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Raisin Bran could be improved by adding two scoops of Fruit Loops.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I’m opening a restaurant for people with eating disorders. The only difference is that the toilets have handle bars.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Succulent carrion spotted by beady eyes of Meg Whitman Local pumpkin patch encourages wasting of food Habitable planet discovered, space race ensues to see who will destroy planet first
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Vegetarians always say, “animals have feelings too,” but what if all their feelings are evil? Pigs will eat bacon you know.
Monday, September 13, 2010
What kind of wine goes well with breakfast?
“Waiter there’s a fly in my soup. I think it’s because it tastes like shit.”
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Also tagged jokes
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There’s a fine line between house sitting and breaking into someone’s home while they’re on vacation and eating all their food.
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Also tagged jokes, work
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When are we going to admit as a nation that we need a dinner cereal?
I dislike Pinata’s because they encourage violence and gluttony in children. So every time I see kids playing with a Pinata I tell them a story. “That Pinata ate too much candy, and now it has to be punished.” And then afterward, I make them bury its corpse.
As a waiter I do not grow food, I do not cook food, I only suggest food and then bring whatever a customer picks. I am, essentially, a food consultant.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
“First things first,” I always say. I say it all the time and no one ever disagrees. This is because I’m the boss around here and if people disagree with me I fire their asses. Onetime I had a sandwich that didn’t agree with me and I fired that too. Some people beg me not [...]
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
There are worse things than canned food. Like canned laughter or fresh bodies.
Reasons are the food of action, digested, burned and then rendered unrecognizeable after it is all said and done.