Clever Things to Say » holidays

admin — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:00:39 +0000

Did you know that many states refused to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr day until the year 2000? Despite claims to the contrary, that is because these states are racist.

admin — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 17:54:23 +0000

Labor day is an American Holiday which celebrates the long, difficult and (currently) necessary process of human birth.

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 15:42:20 +0000

Is it Christmas already? No? Well then I guess I’ll just ask again tomorrow.

admin — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 22:47:38 +0000

From the honest wikipedia entry: Christmas Eve is a partial holiday celebrating the fact that the day after Christmas is only two days away.

admin — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 04:34:47 +0000

Given how much my mom says, “Oh I remember when you were just a baby” I can only assume she preferred the condition.

Current events 11/25

admin — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:05:29 +0000

New airport scanners can and will measure your cock
In preparation for the coming war of man against machine, airport scanners are taking stock of the population’s manhood singling out those most likely to show resistance to the digital tyranny. The machines have already determined that the first to die will be men whose penises measure above the average and that the first order of the war will be to construct massive metal cocks to which humanity could never even aspire.

Wal-mart greeter wishes death upon shoppers, “a happy thanksgiving”
Employees of the national chain Wal-Mart were forced to labor during a holiday as uncaring shoppers purchased the things they forgot to get the day before.

“Lebanese Armenians riot in Beirut Over Erdogan visit” claims inscrutable headline
A news item with four murky references confused and bewildered readers as it attempted to inform them of violence taking place between foreign ethnic groups in an area Americans could not identify on a globe if their lives depended on it.

P-Day

admin — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:32:42 +0000

Presidents’ day was inaugurated in 1880 as a whole extra day for, and experienced exclusively by, the President. During this day he could spend his time as he wished in leisure or just catching up on errands without having to worry about the forward arrow of time generating events that would effect the rest of the world. Eventually, everyone became jealous of the President’s “special day” and a pandering congress passed a bill that plucked the errant time slice from out the ether and placed it squarely within the calendar year thus creating the 365th day.