Clever Things to Say » holidays

St. Patrick’s Day Traditions Around The Country

admin — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:23:01 +0000

New York, New York: at midnight, the subway cars are filled with partially digested green beer.

South Boston, Massachusetts: anyone not wearing green is stabbed.

Cambridge, Massachusetts: anyone not wearing green loses tenure.

Fargo, North Dakota: Native Americans are forced to dress up as leprechauns.

San Francisco, California: Mailmen in the Sunset District are required to take a drink at each stop until they pass out and children steal their mail.

San Diego, California: Everyone eats a burrito made with potatoes.

Seattle, WA: Seattlites drink heavily while staring silently into their beers.

Austin, TX: Everyone tells everyone else they are a quarter Irish.

admin — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 22:42:12 +0000

Valentine’s Day is a corporate ploy to sell more handguns to single people.

Video Time!

admin — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 19:04:52 +0000

LAUGH AT: VALENTINE\'S DAY SUCCESSIn this funny short, struggling motivational speaker and failed businessman Micky Vax has some Valentine\'s Day secrets for \"success\".

via Msn

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LAUGH AT: VALENTINE’S DAY SUCCESSIn this funny short, struggling motivational speaker and failed businessman Micky Vax has some Valentine’s Day secrets for “success”.

via Msn

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:12:05 +0000

The morning after a good birthday party I always feel a year older whether it was my birthday or not.

admin — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:00:39 +0000

Did you know that many states refused to celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr day until the year 2000? Despite claims to the contrary, that is because those states are racist.

admin — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 17:54:23 +0000

Labor day is an American Holiday which celebrates the long, difficult and (currently) necessary process of human birth.

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 15:42:20 +0000

Is it Christmas already? No? Well then I guess I’ll just ask again tomorrow.

admin — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 22:47:38 +0000

From the honest wikipedia entry: Christmas Eve is a partial holiday celebrating the fact that the day after Christmas is only two days away.

admin — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 04:34:47 +0000

Given how much my mom says, “Oh I remember when you were just a baby” I can only assume she preferred the condition.

Current events 11/25

admin — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:05:29 +0000

New airport scanners can and will measure your cock
In preparation for the coming war of man against machine, airport scanners are taking stock of the population’s manhood singling out those most likely to show resistance to the digital tyranny. The machines have already determined that the first to die will be men whose penises measure above the average and that the first order of the war will be to construct massive metal cocks to which humanity could never even aspire.

Wal-mart greeter wishes death upon shoppers, “a happy thanksgiving”
Employees of the national chain Wal-Mart were forced to labor during a holiday as uncaring shoppers purchased the things they forgot to get the day before.

“Lebanese Armenians riot in Beirut Over Erdogan visit” claims inscrutable headline
A news item with four murky references confused and bewildered readers as it attempted to inform them of violence taking place between foreign ethnic groups in an area Americans could not identify on a globe if their lives depended on it.