George Lucas is so boring when he counts sheep at night it keeps him awake because he wants to know what happens next.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Every time Donald Trump wakes up he eats a guinea pig whole and then immediately returns to sleep All of his diamonds are made of gold His combover is 60% eyebrow When he dies, Donald Trump will go in the ground and rot just like everyone else At midnight every night his butler is instructed [...]
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
How could I forget? And I mean that question seriously.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Insult: The only book you’ve opened in the last three years had matches in it.
Conservapedia is an encyclopedia of things known to conservatives. It measures at less than 1% the size of Wikipedia.
One of a few Portland roast jokes: When people in Portland talk about their black friend they’re all talking about the same guy.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I know a guy so dumb that when he lifts weights he forgets to put them down again.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Transference is the only reason my therapist has clients.
People always want you to read what a tattoo says even though they all say the same thing, “look at me.”
People will now pay thirty grand to hear what Bristol Palin has to say. Apparently the value of nothing has skyrocketed.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”
Monday, November 16, 2009
Chiropractor’s claim to be real doctors but when someone yells out, “is there a doctor in the house?” they never mean a chiropractor.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
An ironic t-shirt typically has a double meaning. In addition to whatever the shirt says it usually means you’re an ass.