Clever Things to Say » insults

“Literally” False Facts About Donald Trump

admin — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 02:41:20 +0000

Every time Donald Trump wakes up he eats a guinea pig whole and then immediately returns to sleep

All of his diamonds are made of gold

His combover is 60% eyebrow

When he dies, Donald Trump will go in the ground and rot just like everyone else

At midnight every night his butler is instructed to bring him a birthday cake whereupon he blows it out and wishes for another such cake the next night

admin — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:37:53 +0000

How could I forget? And I mean that question seriously.

admin — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 15:40:00 +0000

Insult: The only book you’ve opened in the last three years had matches in it.

admin — Fri, 06 May 2011 16:56:59 +0000

Conservapedia is an encyclopedia of things known to conservatives. It measures at less than 1% of Wikipedia.

Portland roast jokes

admin — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:45:35 +0000

A friend of mine needs jokes to roast Portland. Here are a few I wrote for him:

Portland’s top import is Netflix. Portland’s top export is Netflix return envelopes.

Portland wishes it was half as gay as San Francisco.

The mayor of Portland is a tree.

“Portland is so Seattle-”
“How Seattle is it?”
“Vancouver”

When people in Portland talk about their black friend they’re all talking about the same guy.

Portland is the headquarters for the organization “People for the Ethical Treatment of Sewage.”

Portland has a large number of microbreweries, micro-distilleries and micropenises.

In case of emergency, the city of Portland can be conveniently forgotten about.

Portland is at such a lack for racial diversity that even Asians won’t move there.

admin — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 18:01:10 +0000

I know a guy so dumb that when he lifts weights he forgets to put them down again.

admin — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 20:25:09 +0000

Transference is the only reason my therapist has clients.

admin — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 17:11:24 +0000

People always want you to read what a tattoo says even though they all say the same thing, “look at me.”

admin — Wed, 19 May 2010 16:26:25 +0000

People will now pay thirty grand to hear what Bristol Palin has to say. Apparently the value of nothing has skyrocketed.

admin — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:55:03 +0000

He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”