Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I saw a bumper sticker that said, “it is what it is,” which comes out to the same thing as not having that sticker.
I updated an old joke to make it edgy: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.
There wouldn’t be so much traffic if people just drove motorcycles, specifically, into stuff.
Friday, December 30, 2011
My friend is so British he thinks blood sausage is a type of food.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
As far as those condoms made from sheep intestine, I’m alright with bestiality but NOT necrophilia, or was it the other way around?
Monday, December 26, 2011
I just got plastic surgery to look more like that one celebrity who ruined her face with plastic surgery.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Young people are terrible at sex which is why it takes them so long.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Every time Donald Trump wakes up he eats a guinea pig whole and then immediately returns to sleep All of his diamonds are made of gold His combover is 60% eyebrow When he dies, Donald Trump will go in the ground and rot just like everyone else At midnight every night his butler is instructed [...]
Monday, November 28, 2011
I was so much smarter before I did drugs. I was so smart I could solve equations… with my mind.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
My parents put me up for adoption this week.
Monday, November 14, 2011
If I had to say what kind of Pokémon I am…
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Two people, in a cooperative living environment, sit down to enjoy America’s favorite Guessing game.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I remember when my dad got a second by installing a trailer in the backyard of our house.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I bet the 90′s will be the next big thing.
Americans think that Risk is the game of world peace.
I think science will someday eliminate all human suffering by removing the relevant piece of brain tissue.
The term “One Person Show” is being really generous to those hollow, incomplete human beings up on stage.
I showed my nephew a haunted house. He asked me, “what’s it haunted by?” so I told him, “meth addicts.”
I figured out how to flip over a car with your bare hands. Get the car going really fast, put your hands on the wheel and snap it to the left.
Friday, September 30, 2011
I think a good brand name for organic food would be, “I can’t believe it’s not Poison!”