Clever Things to Say » marriage

admin — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 19:19:29 +0000

Children tend to get kidnapped for ransom over spouses because criminals don’t want to gamble on the strength of marriages.

admin — Tue, 03 May 2011 01:29:49 +0000

Instead of posting my wedding photos on Facebook I just want to do the whole thing there.

my views on marriage in graph form

admin — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 19:22:21 +0000

admin — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 15:48:23 +0000

The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.

admin — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:55:13 +0000

A failed marriage ends in a divorce. A successful marriage ends in the death of one or both parties.

A Typical Day

admin — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 17:18:28 +0000

“First things first,” I always say. I say it all the time and no one ever disagrees. This is because I’m the boss around here and if people disagree with me I fire their asses. Onetime I had a sandwich that didn’t agree with me and I fired that too. Some people beg me not to fire them and I sagely stroke my leg and tell them that they’d have to make it worth my while. When they ask what I mean I write a number onto a piece of paper, fold it up and hand it to them. When they open it up they see that it actually says, “will work for food” and I tell them they should practice writing that on the side of a torn up box but I tell them not to take any of our boxes because those are company property.

Once I fired a guy while he was on vacation. When he came back I told him he could go back on vacation. Then I handed him a cardboard sign that said, “will work for f�d”. Another time I interviewed a woman who claimed that she had never been fired. “We’ve all been fired at least a little, at some point” I said. But she insisted that she hadn’t. So I beat her with an umbrella and pushed her out the window.

After a good firing I’ve usually worked up quite an appetite. So I head down to the seafood shack and hire one of the lobsters out of the tank to be my dinner. I’ll name him Mr. Snaps and sometimes I’ll make the lobster fight a crab in the parking lot and then I’ll eat the winner. After that I� go home to my wife. I’ll pretend to fire her and then she asks what she can do to keep her job. So I make her suck me off. After that I leisurely fire the cleaning lady. Then I take a crack at firing the argumentative mailman who constantly insists that I don’t have the authority to fire him. One of these days I’m going to put a rat trap in the mailbox.

admin — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:26:16 +0000

Cowboys have big belt buckles so as to better beat their wives and children.

admin — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:00:40 +0000

If your first time is on your wedding night, with someone you truly love then there’s a good chance that your last time will be with someone you really hate and both will be with the same person.

admin — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:00:47 +0000

Men withhold affection from their wives only to weep in front of whores.