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Tag Archives: masturbation

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

It seems like there’s no place in my bedroom to keep a bottle of moisturizer that doesn’t look incriminating.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

My roommate got angry because I was doing Yoga in the living room. I think it’s because I was doing Masturbating Human pose.

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Monday, January 24, 2011

When I was 18 I bought a playboy and a gun, I then took them both out into the yard and shot my load into the playboy.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

They say, “you only live once,” but tell that to the wasted sperm in my tissue basket.

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Friday, September 18, 2009

A one night stand is like getting caught masturbating by your parents: surprising, awkward and followed by apologies from both parties.

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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Some people name their penises. I didn’t do that, but I did name my hand: the Boston Strangler.

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I have mixed feelings on watching pornography. Actually, it’s more like I have one feeling when I begin and a very different feeling thereafter.

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