Drop your phone. If it lands face up, you will receive welcome news from a friend or relative. If it lands face down, it is broken.
Your horoscope for today is: wrong.
I have a homeopathic remedy for depression. You put a gun in your mouth and then you pull the trigger.
My housemate keeps a bell outside her window to ward off evil. I asked if that would prevent her from entering her own room.
My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him “doctor.”
I don’t believe in Astrology. I’m told this is typical for a Virgo.
Practitioners of natural medicine speak as if disease were not perfectly natural. The point of medicine is to unnaturally extend one’s life.