Whole Foods is the only grocery store where I go window shopping.
Why do couples out together on the weekend, especially the ones wearing The North Face gear, look so sad?
I don’t understand why clothes on a pile in the floor don’t count as just being creatively folded.
How come every time I use a $100 bill I feel like a criminal?
Bus drivers have a horrible job, they’re basically running a mobile homeless shelter/insane asylum.
Do you ever get depressed when you write the date?
If I felt the urge to put together a puzzle I’d just go buy Ikea stuff instead. At least when I finished I’d have a bookshelf.
You know what never happens? This:
If someone has an iPhone it means when you’re hanging out you’re going to be talking to the top of his head.
I saw a car that had contradictory bumper stickers. The first one read, “Obama’s not my President” and the second one was a miniature American flag.
It is possible to walk into a grocery store and buy a box of cliff bars. Who’s going on that many hikes?