Clever Things to Say » Parody

admin — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:06:36 +0000

I’m pitching a reality TV show called, “Who’s the Saddest Loser?” It’s just about clinically depressed people trying to get out of bed.

Current Events 10/28

admin — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 23:41:24 +0000

Wikileaks releases thousands of classified ads
The preeminent whistleblower website, Wikileaks, has posted thousands of classified advertisements offering goods and services. The ads are part of an effort to raise money for the website which has been assailed by government attacks, legal and otherwise. The ads feature a variety of goods including toasters, cars, television stands, computers and even a collection of beanie babies all for sale by individuals across the country.

Some have questioned whether the ad service might compromise Wikileak’s objectivity just as other media outlets are influenced by corporate sponsorship. Spokesperson Julian Assange has rebuffed the complaints saying, “Wikileaks is committed to providing transparency in government and the views of Bill Mathers, who’s selling a gorgeous, hardly used hoover vaccuum, will have no influence on our efforts.”

Wiccans teach children true meaning of Halloween
Many American practitioners of Wicca are concerned that with all the excitement over costumes and candy their children are missing out on the greater meaning of Halloween or Samhain as it is known in the neopagan cult. “This festival is rooted in the concepts of death and ancestry and many people seem to have forgotten that. Today on the internet I saw a Mark Zuckerberg mask,” said High Priestess Tracy Malgrove.

admin — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 21:02:45 +0000

I’m writing a book called “Chicken Soup for the Twenty-Something Teenage Soul.”

admin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 00:20:13 +0000

I came up with an alternative ending to the 6th sense: that little boy was crazy all along.

Headlines

admin — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:30:13 +0000

Ungrateful Little Bastards Report College is �Alright�

Bee and Allergic Man Killed in Murder Suicide Pact

Upwardly Mobile Dog Seeks Less Homeless Owner

Wrecking Ball Operator Wins Big in Slamming of Abandoned Pog Factory

Some were originally printed in the Heuristic Squelch

admin — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:00:00 +0000

In order to realize the goals of feminism it is necessary that women own the means of reproduction.

Top Ten Inspirational Books Written by a Lamp

admin — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 23:01:20 +0000

10. Finding Your Light

9. Inner Light

8. Finding Your Inner Light

7. Flipping Your Inner Switch

6. The Quest for Power

5. Turned On and Plugged In

4. Better Love Through Light

3. The Secret

2. Lightening Your Load

1. Finding Your Light Switch in a Darkened Room