Hey it sucks that Google made it impossible to throw away someone’s contact info.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
My girlfriend said I’m not a good listener, so I made fun of everything she said for the last half hour in excruciating detail.
Mike made artisanal chapstick on his secluded bee ranch up in the Sierra Mountains. He claimed that bees at higher elevations produced a subtler, breezier wax.
Friendship is a strange thing. As I see it, life’s a competition to obtain the most prizes which means that anyone else should be thwarted at every available opportunity.
The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.
Love can cause you to overlook anything about a person. Sometimes everything.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
“I hate myself and I’m all alone” “No, you’re not alone. I hate you too.”
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
“My boyfriend has a feminine side.” “Is it the inside? Because that’s where my penis would go.”
Monday, November 23, 2009
When you enter into long term commitment they call it, “getting serious” because that’s when it ceases to be any fun whatsoever.
A woman once accused me of “intimacy issues.” I replied, “what’re you kidding? I’m being intimate with plenty of women.”
Some people are not appreciated until they’re gone. Or perhaps because of it.
There is a species of dysfunctional romantic for whom the concept of love is defined by its collapse.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Every time I upload a new picture to Facebook I seem to be thinking, “this’ll show her.”
Many couples remain silent during sex so as to spare each other the reminder that someone else is there.