Sometimes, life feels a lot like that movie Big with Tom Hanks. That’s the one where he’s a thirteen year old boy who makes a wish to be grown up. I made the same sort of wish when I was his age. Today, I woke up and it had come true. It seems like just […]
Hey it sucks that Google made it impossible to throw away someone’s contact info.
My girlfriend said I’m not a good listener, so I made fun of everything she said for the last half hour in excruciating detail.
Mike made artisanal chapstick on his secluded bee ranch up in the Sierra Mountains. He claimed that bees at higher elevations produced a subtler, breezier wax.
Friendship is a strange thing. As I see it, life’s a competition to obtain the most prizes which means that anyone else should be thwarted at every available opportunity.
The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.
Love can cause you to overlook anything about a person. Sometimes everything.
“I hate myself and I’m all alone” “No, you’re not alone. I hate you too.”
“My boyfriend has a feminine side.” “Is it the inside? Because that’s where my penis would go.”
When you enter into long term commitment they call it, “getting serious” because that’s when it ceases to be any fun whatsoever.
A woman once accused me of “intimacy issues.” I replied, “what’re you kidding? I’m being intimate with plenty of women.”
Some people are not appreciated until they’re gone. Or perhaps because of it.
There is a species of dysfunctional romantic for whom the concept of love is defined by its collapse.
Every time I upload a new picture to Facebook I seem to be thinking, “this’ll show her.”
Many couples remain silent during sex so as to spare each other the reminder that someone else is there.