Practice football and you’re sure to be better prepared when game night arrives. Practice abstinence and you will certainly fumble on the night in question.
Ungrateful Little Bastards Report College is “Alright” Bee and Allergic Man Killed in Murder Suicide Pact Upwardly Mobile Dog Seeks Less Homeless Owner Wrecking Ball Operator Wins Big in Slamming of Abandoned Pog Factory Some were originally printed in the Heuristic Squelch
They say humans evolved from apes but there are some people who make you reconsider.
If I could go back in time and change one thing I’d stop Jesus from being nailed to the cross, because then they’d pretty much have to let me into heaven.
Sometimes we say a troubled man is a ticking time bomb; it’s particularly accurate in the middle east.
If your first time is on your wedding night, with someone you truly love then there’s a good chance that your last time will be with someone you really hate and both will be with the same person.
I think the dirtiest thing for the Amish would be pre-marital phone sex.
People claim that fasting can get you closer to God. I suppose that the less of you that exists the closer the resemblance.
Religious households are those in which children are told, “you’ll thank us when you’re dead.”
I saw a newspaper called “The Muslim Observer” and from the title I initially mistook it for a publication put out by the Department of Homeland Security.
There’s a sucker born again every minute.
To be tolerant of religion is to say, “I’m not going to tell you how to tell other people how to live their lives.”
God helps those who never help anyone else.
While I don’t believe in an ultimate higher power I am open to the idea that power is the ultimate high.
People who contend that homosexuality is unnatural also hold that the supernatural is not.
I’m writing a work of religious inspiration called “Five Books You Will Burn in Heaven”.