Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The appeal of prostitution is the notion of an honest, straightforward conversation that leads to sex.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wednesday is called “Humpday” because it’s the middle of the work week, when you really feel like you’re getting fucked.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
People keep asking me, “Hey Miles, what’s your plan for New Year’s?” and I tell them, “I’m taking ecstasy,” which is a lie.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
As far as those condoms made from sheep intestine, I’m alright with bestiality but NOT necrophilia, or was it the other way around?
Friday, December 16, 2011
Young people are terrible at sex which is why it takes them so long.
Body bags are like dead people condoms.
Friday, November 18, 2011
I have paid for sex before just not with money and never in advance.
I haven’t had much luck with women but I’ve had a few well executed schemes.
Did you know that in lesbian softball there are only three bases?
The sexuality of today’s young people is fertilized in pornography. It’s intimidating for the boys, who worry, “if I’m going to lose my virginity I don’t need to just find a girl to sleep but two other guys to fuck her as well.”
I participate in Craigslist casual encounters of the third kind.
Did you know you can walk around the beach in a speedo with a fully engorged erection and not break any laws?
I have no problem with hunting as long as it is done for food, or maybe at least sex.
If your acting teacher wants to know why you’re in his class don’t tell him that it’s to get better at sexual roleplay.
In this era, everyone considers himself a Casanova when, in fact, your average male is barely capable of landing one good woman throughout his entire life.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Transference is the only reason my therapist has clients.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I heard that it was fun to take ambien and then stay awake and masturbate. I didn’t enjoy it at all; my hand fell asleep.
Monday, November 22, 2010
When I want to mess with someone I show up to a Craigslist casual encounter wearing a tuxedo.
Most people don’t realize that the song “Come on Eileen” was actually just a song about what was on Eileen.