North of the border they call us, “Canada Mexico.”
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Apple has just released a turnover.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
It’s always embarrassing when you have one of those moments where you realize, “Wait a second, this doesn’t taste like my penis…”
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Too exhausted to decorate the house for Thanksgiving? Turn that jack-o-lantern around and give it a pilgram hat.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Written with Alison Stevenson
If I were a Samurai I’d always be cracking up the other Samurai, and then I’d kill them.
Try walking into a room with a boombox and gun and yelling out, “Everybody get down!”
Monday, September 10, 2012
Do you want to know why I want to be a rapper? Because rappers delight.
I now close all my e-mails to my landlord with, “I love you.”
How many people of a certain classification does it take to screw in a light bulb? More than one.
I’ve become so proficient with time saving techniques I now do nothing.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
My linguist friend smokes a ton of pot. He’s a real Rosetta stoner.
How come you never see water and ships in the same bottle?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
“I darned my socks. “Yeah, fuck those socks.”
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
“What’s a laughing matter?” “Nitrous oxide, among other things.”
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Someone asked if I would fuck a life sized tater tot. Does that just mean a regular sized tater tot?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Since becoming an adult it sometimes seems as though life has lost all its flavor crystals.
I took a personality test on nationalgeographic.com and it turns out I’m a box of earwigs.
I’m not just some Merman I am a MerMiles.