Clever Things to Say

Friendship is a strange thing. As I see it, life’s a competition to obtain the most prizes which means that anyone else should be thwarted at every available opportunity.

Water is clear up close but looks blue from far away. Scientists are still puzzled by why we cannot see the entire contents of the ocean just by standing on the beach. Oil and chemical companies also use the ocean to store toxic waste. No one cares because fish do not vote. Water can destroy [...]

“First things first,” I always say. I say it all the time and no one ever disagrees. This is because I’m the boss around here and if people disagree with me I fire their asses. One time, I had a sandwich that didn’t agree with me so I fired that too. Some people beg me [...]

In the Star Trek universe, when one space faring race encounters another they always have at least one thing in common. Both their ships are oriented the same way vis a vis up/down. But space has no objective up/down axis. Nonetheless, every time the Enterprise runs into some Romulans it always looks like this:

A younger man CAM, dressed in overalls, is talking with GUS who is old. CAM What a day huh Gus? GUS You’ve got to get one more tent up before nightfall but I can’t help you with it. CAM Why? You tired or something? GUS No I can’t help you with that tent, because it’s [...]

In the last few days I’ve been asking people about their plans for New Year’s Eve. So I wrote down some of the more popular and interesting responses. Get drunk Get wasted Get drunk and wasted Make up for entire year’s worth of disappointing parties Rape Anxiously host new Year’s party and pray friends come [...]