The thing you really have to keep in mind is that when you’re friends with someone you’re not allowed to actively sabotage them. The irony though is that friends make the most tempting targets since they’re constantly exposed, letting you into their houses where you can just start putting stuff in your pockets until all three of your jackets are bursting with nick-nacks and expensive items from the pantry. And then they say, “hey I thought you were only wearing three ties when you came in here? Isn’t that one mine?” at which point you should ask for their car keys. Wait, that was the old me. The me that lost all of my friends and is no longer invited to social functions with free shrimp and alcohol, the new me would have given back the tie and sent a card somewhat like the following

I have been told that you cannot exploit your friends because that would jeopardize the friendship but if your friend has something which makes you jealous, it is not acceptable to destroy the object even if it would save the friendship to do so. So how is that consistent? What I now know is that there are many rules when it comes to friendship and someone should really publish a book detailing them. I’m probably not qualified to write that book as long as I still have everyone’s social security cards in my junk drawer but maybe this is a start

Everything I have learned about friendship:
1) Just because your friend is an organ donor does not make you “first in line”
2) Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, which means you are allowed to call your friend anytime of night and ask for a car ride, however this does not apply to rides from your house to a separate location
3) Publicly ranking your birthday presents is considered to be in poor taste
4) Never title a facebook photo album, “fat people I’m friends with”
5) Friends do not like it when you try to get them to fight each other to the death and become even more resentful if you tell them about an analogous event between your pet scorpion and a spider and how entertaining that was at the time
6) It is surprisingly difficult to throw a bird into a pool
7) Never let a friend into your junk drawer

Oil and chemical companies also use the ocean to store toxic waste. No one cares because fish do not vote.

Water can destroy books and computers thereby proving that information is dirty.

Many people in africa and the middle east have never seen water but are instead forced to drink mud out of necessity.

The human body is 2/3 water which means that, in a pinch, you could drink a person.

Water is a great to have around at a birthday party, either in many small cups or a single large pool.

It is also a crucial component in wet t-shirts contest where judges select the wettest t-shirt and then squeeze the winner into a bowl.

The Atlantic ocean is home to the Titanic, a ship which was practically hacked in half by a glacier and then eaten by the ocean. Water is adangerous enemy.

Because water is itself a liquid you cannot dry it off.

Many creatures live exclusively in water because they are afraid to come out and fight us on land. If they did we would kick their asses and don’t you forget it you flopping around fish.

Also I read a pamphlet once that said I’m an alcoholic and even after I beat the shit out of the pamphlet and tore it into little pieces it still haunted me. I tend to be a real angry drunk, but the other thing is that I always drink alone. So then I just end up screaming, “what the fuck you looking at?” into a mirror. Then I say, “I know what you’re looking at! A fat fucking loser.” Then I cry and hug the mirror and put lipstick on my reflection so that I can feel pretty.

And maybe I don’t always use a clean needle when I’m shooting up. You know how much work it is to get a fresh needle out the box? Plus when you’re all strung out you don’t even want to move, let alone find a fresh syringe. Though one good thing is whenever I get high enough on heroin I stop biting my nails.

Once I fired a guy while he was on vacation. When he came back I told him he could go back on vacation. Then I handed him a cardboard sign that said, “will work for füd”. Another time I interviewed a woman who claimed that she had never been fired. “We’ve all been fired at least a little, at some point” I said. But she insisted that she hadn’t. So I beat her with an umbrella and pushed her out the window.

After a good firing I’ve usually worked up quite an appetite. So I head down to the seafood shack and hire one of the lobsters out of the tank to be my dinner. I’ll name him Mr. Snaps and sometimes I’ll make the lobster fight a crab in the parking lot and then I’ll eat the winner. After that I  go home to my wife. I’ll pretend to fire her and then she asks what she can do to keep her job. So I make her suck me off. After that I leisurely fire the cleaning lady. Then I take a crack at firing the argumentative mailman who constantly insists that I don’t have the authority to fire him. One of these days I’m going to put a rat trap in the mailbox.

But it’s just as likely the two ships would encounter each other as such:

This could cause some confusion.

The only way to explain why different star ships always meet each other right side up is to postulate some sort of galactic standard. But this wouldn’t explain all the alien civilizations the Enterprise discovers that also fly at the same angle. This could have made for great story lines where alien races are offended by the upside down approach of the enterprise.

However, it bears mentioning that at least one species is an exception to this phenomenon.

no one can upside down the borg

Because of their simple ship design the Borg cannot be flanked, dropped onto or attacked from behind. The Borg have assimilated all three spatial dimensions into their ship design and they always appear right side up.