Clever Things to Say » Top Tens http://cleverthingstosay.com by Miles K Tue, 22 May 2012 19:26:27 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 Reasons your robot son is better than your biological child http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/08/05/reasons-your-robot-son-is-better-than-your-biological-child/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=reasons-your-robot-son-is-better-than-your-biological-child http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/08/05/reasons-your-robot-son-is-better-than-your-biological-child/#comments Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:45:27 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1404 You only have to tell him once

He is able to open his mouth wide enough to fit a basketball

You don’t have to take him to Disneyland to see his face light up

He’s not dying of cancer

If you take out his eyes he can still see

He beat your real son to death in unarmed combat

His nose is a button and if you push it he will smile

Flame decals on abdomen

He’s not a girl

He streams his soccer game to your mobile device so you don’t have to be there

Every time his birthday approaches you can set his clock back another month

It’s technically not incest

    By Miles K and Jesse Elias

    ]]>     http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/08/05/reasons-your-robot-son-is-better-than-your-biological-child/feed/ 0     Unpleasant facts which must be faced http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/07/08/unpleasant-facts-which-must-be-faced/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=unpleasant-facts-which-must-be-faced http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/07/08/unpleasant-facts-which-must-be-faced/#comments Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:46:26 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=1346 “The Taming of the Shrew” was originally titled “The Murdering of the Shrew.”

    The Giant Panda is named ironically as it stands at only two and a half feet.

    No one ever escapes Fantasy Island.

    Once they reach a certain age strippers are taken out back and turned into flight attendants.

    Most road trips end at the same time as the friendship in question.

    Google would like a sample of your DNA.

    Cooked food was discovered accidentally by cavemen looking for a more amusing to slaughter an animal.

    Austin, Texas is most well known for being in the wrong state.

    Due to rising population and obesity, human beings will eventually cover the entire surface of the earth at which point they will fuse together and form the fleshy topsoil layer which was the earth’s master plan all along.

    Chairs are a domesticated species of rock.

    ]]>     http://cleverthingstosay.com/2010/07/08/unpleasant-facts-which-must-be-faced/feed/ 0     Plans for New Year’s http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/31/plans-for-new-years/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=plans-for-new-years http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/31/plans-for-new-years/#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 13:00:36 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=773 In the last few days I’ve been asking people about their plans for New Year’s Eve. So I wrote down some of the more popular and interesting responses.

    1. Get drunk
    2. Get wasted
    3. Get drunk and wasted
    4. Make up for entire year’s worth of disappointing parties
    5. Rape
    6. Anxiously host new Year’s party and pray friends come through with the drugs
    7. Finish New Year’s resolutions list
    8. Snort as much cocaine as possible before New Year’s resolutions list kicks in
    9. Surf the internet through tears
    10. Avoid ex-boyfriend
    11. Hook up with ex-girlfriend
    12. Count backwards and scream in unison
    13. Vomit in acceptable location
    14. Urinate in hilarious location
    15. Drive safely while drunk, which means wearing an eye patch to compensate for double vision
    ]]>     http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/31/plans-for-new-years/feed/ 0     Top Ten Dr. Suess Books Adapted for the Elderly http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/03/dr-suess/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dr-suess http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/03/dr-suess/#comments Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:42:02 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=695
  • Horton Hears a What? a Who!?
  • Green Eggs and Ham, that We Ate During the Depression
  • How the Liberal Media Stole Christmas
  • Horton Hatches the Egg That Never Calls Him Back
  • Oh the Places You Will Never See Again
  • The Cat in the Hat, that We Ate During the Depression
  • Fox in Argyle Socks
  • Hop on Pop: How Youngsters Do Not Respect the Elderly
  • Help! There’s Some Sort of Wocket in My Pocket!
  • And to Think that I Saw It on Mulberry- Hey Where You Going?
    • ]]>     http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/12/03/dr-suess/feed/ 1     Top Ten Inspirational Books Written by a Lamp http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/08/10/top-ten-inspirational-books-written-by-a-lamp/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=top-ten-inspirational-books-written-by-a-lamp http://cleverthingstosay.com/2009/08/10/top-ten-inspirational-books-written-by-a-lamp/#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 23:01:20 +0000 admin http://www.cleverthingstosay.com/?p=472 10. Finding Your Light

    9. Inner Light

    8. Finding Your Inner Light

    7. Flipping Your Inner Switch

    6. The Quest for Power

    5. Turned On and Plugged In

    4. Better Love Through Light

    3. The Secret

    2. Lightening Your Load

    1. Finding Your Light Switch in a Darkened Room

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