Nobody cares when a snowman melts. But when fireman does the same thing…
This is a short sketch that I wrote to illustrate the absurdity of the near-death mindset, and the often dark comedy that has taken hold in recent decades. If you like, print it out, get some special effects and iMovie and go shoot the thing – I’d love to see how it plays out in […]
If you want to kidnap an old man don’t bother to tie him up, just make him sit down in a beanbag chair. He’ll never escape.
Sometimes we say a troubled man is a ticking time bomb; it’s particularly accurate in the middle east.
Few things are creepier than a person’s name on a to do list.
Some people claim to be loved by their cats. It isn’t love if a change in relative size between the two parties would lead to murder.
I’m often tempted to bring a gun to work. I’m a comedian.
Some people name their penises. I didn’t do that, but I did name my hand: the Boston Strangler.
Studies have shown violence in video games can lead to a sharp increase in make believe homicide.
A threat is an armed promise.
I once threw pebbles at a girl’s window until she opened it, and then I threw them at her face.
Anyone who calls my work barbaric has never had their head split in half with an axe.