Clever Things to Say » witty replies

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 19:03:18 +0000

“I hate the internet.”

“Then why don’t you marry it?”

admin — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 17:52:06 +0000

A lady told me that I look like I smell so I said, “well then I must smell like a million bucks because that’s how I look!”

admin — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:00:02 +0000

I used to clerk at a Blockbuster. Customers would yell at me and I’d tell them, “I work here. Nobody hates this place more than I do.”

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:18:23 +0000

“What’s a laughing matter?”

“Nitrous oxide, among other things.”

admin — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:42:40 +0000

My friend asked me, “what are you going to do when you turn eighty?” so I said, “what do you mean when?”

Cartoon Time!

admin — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:00:44 +0000

admin — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 19:23:29 +0000

There’s a parade called “How Berkeley Can You Be?” so I protested it.

admin — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:31:44 +0000

If your acting teacher wants to know why you’re in his class don’t tell him that it’s to get better at sexual roleplay.

admin — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 17:58:00 +0000

“Tired of online dating? You’re not alone.”
Yes you are. That’s why you’re dating online.

admin — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 18:00:02 +0000

A woman told me, “to say I love you for your virtues discredits me for loving you in spite of your defects.”